During my late teenage years I started thinking about getting a tattoo, eventually the thought turned into a fact, a fact without need to be reflected on any longer, it's been sitting there as a fact all this time until I now at 31 have booked my first appointment. This provoked the former undisputable fact, which decided to morph back into a thought that I can work with.
Of course I'm not unfamiliar to this happening, who's able to keep any doubt out when confronted with a permanent decision? I still feel sure of getting the tattoo, but it's a perfect opportunity to dig deeper to where the doubts or uncertainty actually are coming from
Where did the idea come from?
I've had the idea for such a long time It's hard to recall where it started, when reflecting I might be able to come up with a few resons (are they the original ones or just my current interpretations of the past?).
While I live I want to finish a reasonably long todo list
I got influenced by people and media around me
In the end it's almost impossible to separate out the external influence, as it has been a passive thought for such a long time it makes it harder to separate my original reasoning from other sources. And even if I could, it's not like there's any more value in having the original idea come just from myself. What matters is what I want now.
Regret
When looking back to the tattoo ideas I had 10 years ago, I would probably not get the same tattoos today, will the same be true 10 years in the future?
It's tricky... I think the only old ideas that I'd dislike today are anything based on any kind of culture or trend, and my emotion towards it might change a lot after wearing the tattoo for many years as well. I think I early came to the conclusion to get a tattoo from an artist I like and that simply looks good for what it is, trying not to instill too much meaning into it.
Is it me?
A seemingly obvious question, which feels a bit more complex, am I just copying trends? Influenced by people around me? How will this reflect off of me? I think I enjoy being a blank slate, having a style and presence that can fit in everywhere
While growing up I quickly removed styles, habits and accents, anything that could be used to read into my interests or background. I enjoyed surprising people who had no idea I was this geeky, that I came from this country, that I've done these things. I had a goal of experiencing as much as possible and to do this I felt I had to be able to partially fit in as many contexts as possible, in a way you lose out a bit here, you go broader but not deeper in areas and relations.
Maybe this is where most of my sudden unease is coming from? By getting a permanent tattoo I'm projecting parts of myself in a very visible way. The style, motive and placement of the tattoo will expose something about me that I can't take back, I can't control how others perceive it. It's a bit ironic, by making a part of myself more solid and visible, I feel I might in exchange lose a part of myself, I'm not as much of a blank slate surprise anymore.
So?
As planned I went to get a tattoo with no hesitations left in my mind, writing these thoughts down definitely helped to untangle myself while achieving a bit deeper insights into my motivations. Maybe it'll help me in putting part of myself out there without being afraid of how it might be perceived by others, or maybe, just maybe - it's just a tattoo
